What do you do when adversary comes into your life?
Sunday was a day to think about my trials and tribulations in which I have experienced, since the first day I can remember as a child.
How do you react when life gets hard and confusing and just plain old bumpy ruts which seem to not have an end in sight?
Would I react as Job did when he was faced with his trials? Job lost all he had including his ten children. We read in Job 1:20-22
“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,”
“And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
“In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.”
King James Version (KJV)
I listen intently to the sermon and heard how Job loses his own health and was faced with adversity. Job worshiped God, Job blessed God and Job sinned not.
Could I or would I have done this if I was faced with Job’s adversities.? Have I done this when faced with my own trials and tribulations? Have I remained faithful?
I was 19 when I married my husband. I was told I might not be able to have children due to female problems. So, we decided to try and after thinking it was not going to happen, I got a knock on the door.
I was up all night worried and frightened as my husband had not come home. I tried his friends, his parents, places he might have stopped. One hour, two hours, four hours and daylight was breaking, where could he be and why hadn’t he called me.
The knock was a police officer and my husband’s best friend. I was told in what seemed like slow motion, “you’re husband got in an accident and is dead”. The next hours, day and minutes just didn’t add up in my mind; and the day went by with funeral details and expenses and family holding me and crying and sobbing and pain, so much emotional pain. My head hurt, my eyes felt swollen from the tears and I felt so nauseated I could barely breathe. My body was in so much pain it was numb. I couldn’t think about anything but everything. The thoughts and questions were so many and so many were unanswered.
A week past and I still felt so drained, so emotional and so out of control I ended up at the doctors to be told, “you are pregnant”. I sobbed so hard I am sure the entire office heard and felt my a sense of an unknown. I cried tears of sadness and tears of joy. I knew at that moment it was the child we both wanted so very desperately; and had thought it was not going to happen as it had been a year long of trying and waiting and disappointment results each month. My husband longed for his own child. He already had a nephew and loved him like his very own. I knew he was going to make a marvelous father.
The morning sickness was excruciating and I found if I could just vomit, I was able to make it to work and get my mind off death and morning sickness. Though I was still mourning over the loss of my husband, I had some hope with the child inside of me. We had already talked about a boy being named Dustin Scott and a girl was to be named Darcy Lee. Perhaps, I could find happiness in spite of all the sadness. I continued through the motions of life and then a severe pain hit me with cramping and sick to my stomach. I made it to the bathroom to see blood. My heart started racing and I thought please Lord please don’t take my child too. I carried my small wonder of life for 2 and 1/2 months and then the Lord wanted this child home with him. My heart sunk deeper and my energy felt depleted. I felt so very helpless and so very alone.
I was a saved child of God but I only had a small amount of milk from the Lord due to my own lack of understanding. I prayed and tried to find comfort but just didn’t know how to go about it. I didn’t have anyone as a role model or didn’t understand how I could help myself at the time. I just continued to go through the motions of life.
Looking back at this chapter in my life, I have a lot of I wish and I would have but it wasn’t and didn’t. I do know if I hadn’t gone through this and so much more trials and tribulations I would not be where I am at – reading the Word and being feed meat everyday.
As a Christian, milk can only allow you to grow so far. It’s the meat that allows you to blossom and find God’s love, grace, mercy and strength to endure all of lives trials and tribulations.
I want for others to know without God and his word for us I could have never endured the trials and tribulations that have come into my life and I pray I will be able to let others know I have kept the faith. As read in:
2 Timothy 4:7
“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:”
Written in memory of: James Scott Coates